a glimpse into me

"Where do you place the questions you carry? The sadness and the epiphanies? The quiet worries? Where can you put the truth, as messy and new and raw as it sometimes feels?" -Sabrina Ward Harrison

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Philippians 2:1-6 

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God,[a]
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.

this i needed to be reminded of today. this summer is going to be harder than I thought. But God is good and at work in me. teaching me and molding me into the leader HE wants me to be. not how i envision it myself.


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desire

Just as the birds of the sky dodge swiftly into the deep, does my soul desire to dive into the depths of your love.
and as the trees of the forest stretch high towards the stratosphere does my soul desire to one day fully be with you.
Just as the daylight sun engulfs the darkness of the night so does my mind hunger for truth to consume me.
and as the strong oak branch catches the tears from the sky would you catch and overhaul all of my brokenness?
I am yours. I belong to you.

'Desire' - Reveal

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the urban adventure revelation

I heard this quote this weekend:

Jesus didn’t come to make us christians,

He came to make us human.

This may seem a little strange and contrary to what we’ve always thought. However I think whoever said these original words was truly on to something.

I find myself falling into the ‘Jesus made us Christian’ category without even knowing it. I look at myself and think I have it all together. I see the people around me and think myself as better. In my head and sometimes my actions, I boast about my great ‘christian-ness’. That needs to be broken.

As I walked around the downtown east side of Vancouver this past weekend, I was struck with the revelation of humanity and how much God loves the broken. All of us are needy and we all experience pain.

The beautiful thing about God is that he doesn’t expect perfection. In order to come to him, we do not need to have it all together. This is the epitome of what I’m learning.

This thought kept coming into my mind this weekend :

God doesn’t like sin. He is broken by all that happens on these streets, but he loves them desperately. He does not like broken sinful people that run from Him. But he loves the broken, sinful people that run to His open arms.

Lately its God that has been constantly whispering (or screaming loudly):

BRIA. YOU NEED ME. DESPERATELY.YOUR HUMANITY CRAVES ME. EMBRACE IT AND COME TO ME.

When we come to see our humanity, we see our pain and in that we need to run to God.

That is what Jesus came to do. Draw us to the arms of the Father. This is why the Father truly delights in the streets of Vancouver, as the drug addicts, prostitutes, dealers and homeless begin to see Jesus’ love for who they are.

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choose to love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
   Love doesn’t strut,
   Doesn’t have a swelled head,
   Doesn’t force itself on others,
   Isn’t always “me first,”
   Doesn’t fly off the handle,
   Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

1 Corinthian 13:4-7 (MSG)

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let us be gentle.

gentle.

moderate in action, effect or degree; not harsh or severe.

mild in temperament or behavior; kind or tender.

gentleness.

acting in a manner that is gentle and mild and even-tempered.

Galatians 5:22-23

 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Philippians 4:5

5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

I am struck by this word as I reflect on my life and my actions. Am I gentle? Am I kind and tender? Do I desire to make it known that I care about people? Or do I act harshly and not care?

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We run from the only one who can overcome our fear, brokenness, and hostility. We seek to get away from the only one who can fulfill our deepest needs.
Stanley Grenz

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Rather than being at home in the world, we are continually on the move to something yet undefined. We are always seeking the new, the ‘future’, the not yet. We continually chase that illusive ‘something’ which surpasses the here-and-now or the status quo.
pg.70 ‘Created for Community’ - Stanley J. Grenz

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John 3:19-21

19 And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. 20 All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.”


It is our actions that reflect our choice to follow the light. Every action is a choice. to smile is a choice. to be grumpy is a choice. to give into that voice that says, you don’t have to be kind today, is a choice. to pray for our friends is a choice. 

We have a choice to make. to choose the light or the darkness by choosing to make the right choices.

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a busy life is not for me. a busy heart is not my desire. a busy mind is not my place of peace. I cannot do life at a fast pace. really its just my mind that runs ahead of me.

always thinking three days ahead. always thinking about whats happening later on. 

Is my mind ever just focused on NOW?

Its the moments when I choose to just sit and be (which are rare these days) that I truly get a glimpse of who I am and who God is. I am reminded to STOP.

thats so hard when lately I just go go go and fill my time with people and thinking and homework and trying to do homework and Facebook and thinking and eating and movies and thinking about homework but instead eating and watching movies. and then its the end of the day.

no time for me. no time for God. just an anxious girl collapsed on her bed at night. tired and weary knowing she could do so much better.

this is me lately. so confused how to spend my time. so unsure of my decisions. What could I be doing instead of this right now? Its happening now as I write this… 'I really should be reading. I could fill out that application. Should I call that friend? Write that paper?' I’m anxious, indecisive and painstakingly guilty. its sad really.

'do not be anxious about anything but in everything, with thanksgiving present your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will be with you.’ philippians 4:6-7

sometimes that verse seems way too ideal for my life. even though I understand the truth in it and can see what a difference it would make. 

STOP.